Something I wrote March 2nd, 2010. I think at the time I was feeling pretty abandoned by a lot of my friends because we didn’t have much in common anymore. I had to be sober due to legal and mental problems, and they did not want to subject me to any substances that could hurt my recovery.
I know now that they were just trying to support me in the best way they could, but that doesn’t mean that in that time it didn’t hurt. I do not hold on to these feelings any longer, but I feel like reflecting on this piece and by extension our lives — can teach us something.
I find it funny,
That my family and my girl are the only ones who see me for me.
Not who I was while smokin’ trees,
I kinda like feelin’ the breeze,
to fall and heal a scrape on my knees.
What is it with people and the falseness they precede to breathe?
A fakeness that presides to feed into selfishness and greed of this once arrogant steed.
He used to need,
now the mind’s open and free,
the crises left to a solid creed.
Leaving behind those breaching the void,
with a broken future to avoid.
Annul this boy of his past’s ploys for he paints a bright picture he now deploys.
Unsure of the moist sponge in his hands, the picture has now plunged into a plan, facets collide and make a stand.
See me for me.
And not the former self canned.
It seems my plan worked. I no longer recognize the person featured in the photo as myself. Photographer unknown, but I believe it was one of my friends whom we consider ourselves Ohana — they know who they are.
Thank you for reading.
©2010 Trevor Elms
3 thoughts on “Former Self.”