Success.

Feeling incredibly accomplished today. Really do my best to stay humble and not think about where I am at, focus more on where I am going and want to be headed.

Today however, I’ve woken up feeling very grateful for all of the things Megan and I have. What we have accomplished in the years. More than anything, from a selfish point of view — I can see that former crossroads and am happy with the path found that lead me here.

10 years ago, in 2009 I was freshly kicked out of the state of Hawai’i. It was part of a probationary period of 5 years to be served in Colorado for the multiple felonies I had committed. Which thanks to a first-time offense guilty plea was a deferred sentence.

I was in part able to get this sentence because my parents had a college fund saved up from the time I was a baby — which they drained entirely to pay for my lawyer and legal fees. So few people have that kind of monetary support in our legal system I would be remiss to not mention that very big factor in me not being now, a career criminal just to survive in prison.

This meant that I was not officially convicted of any crimes, even with a guilty plea, as long as I kept my nose out of the dirt and stuck to being a stand-up contributing member of society.

Because I have succeeded in this act if you run a background check on me today you will not pull anything up. My criminal record is entirely clean and I have paperwork showing that the expungement of those records in the judicial system has happened.

On moving back to Colorado I got a job as a retail clerk in an educational toy store. I was making $7.50 an hour. College was no longer an option — there was no fund for it and my one semester at U of H Manoa got me put on academic probation. School was not my focus nor has it ever been my strong suit.

At that point in time I thought that I may be working at a dead-end job with no prospects for the rest of my life. Thankfully I had a good support system around me including friends, family, and of course my wife Megan. They saw more in me and pushed me when I couldn’t push myself.

Ten years later Megan and I are living in our second home after selling our first — we’ve moved to a new place for the two of us to truly learn and explore together, Las Vegas. We live in Mountain’s Edge, a place that is in our opinion a nicer community with much more amenities for us to enjoy and raise a child in. We have a much nicer home and have gotten away from the snow to boot.

Exploration-Peak
A view from the top of Exploration Peak park of some of our Mountain’s Edge community.

I’ve written more about my journey to working with The Motorcycle Company previously — but I am still with them and have been for  6 of these 10 years. We are now up to 10 dealerships, 10! From the 3 we had when I was hired. I owe so much to them as well for making all of this possible. Being able to work from home remotely, the trust they have in me to do my work. The people I work with that make it all worthwhile, and the best manager I have ever had in my life in Kristen Kunzman.

Megan is going to school and when she graduates we hit the ground running on our own business together with her as the real talent (licensed massage therapist, life coach, advocate for healthy living and survivors of domestic abuse). Though of course my contributions to our business cannot interfere with my work with TMC. They are all too important for us to allow that to falter.

Over the weekend we took the motorcycle out that we 100% own for a ride around our new home. We saw so much of the beautiful Las Vegas landscape that we hadn’t gotten to in the 6 months we’ve lived here because we’ve had our heads down grinding away.

Think we all need to take the time to recognize our accomplishments sometimes and today I woke up really feeling it.

Megan, I’m so looking forward to seeing what we accomplish in the next 10 years. I know I wouldn’t be here without you. So glad we found one another.

Thank you for reading.

If you have interest in reading anything else I have written please check the Table of Contents, here.

©2019 Trevor Elms

Better Than Sex.

Two new things today, rather than one old. I got inspired last night to write my first poem in years. A poem about one of my best friends, Tony. I don’t have a picture of him to use, and he wouldn’t want it shown anyways.

I don’t know his last name, because I never cared to ask and he never cared to tell me.

Tony was homeless but boy was our home together in our hearts. Tony gave his life for me and I will never forget him for it.

Better Than Sex.

Remember that time you told me shooting up was better than sex?

How the needle would make you feel inside, when you would flex.

This may be the most important thing anyone ever told me,

Meth, Coke, H, etcetera, or Ex. I tried it all, except for the next,

 

Level,

Shooting it into a vein,

I felt like after Tony told me if I did it,

I’d never be the same.

 

I wish Tony had a chance and became,

something,

more than a man who gave his life for me, and proved to me, a virgin my vein,

would take no blame.

 

Tony passed in an embarrassing way,

He was in the dorm bath-room,

needle in his arm.

Head cocked back with saliva to drip — on the floor soon.

 

I wish there was something I could say,

or do,

to bring you,

back.

 

You had a way,

of kindness and beauty,

that people with, and you without,

wished they could find out.

 

Tony thank you for telling me,

That I should never shoot into my veins,

Because without you selling that to me,

I’m not sure I’d be here,

Just the same.

 

If it’s better than sex,

I don’t want to know its name.

 

R.I.P. Tony, I miss you. 

 

Thank you for reading.

©2017 Trevor Elms
Photo taken by Trevor Elms ©2008
Recording features Classical Loop by 4barrelcarb (c) copyright 2016 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/4barrelcarb/54992 Ft: N/A

Former Self.

Something I wrote March 2nd, 2010. I think at the time I was feeling pretty abandoned by a lot of my friends because we didn’t have much in common anymore. I had to be sober due to legal and mental problems, and they did not want to subject me to any substances that could hurt my recovery.

I know now that they were just trying to support me in the best way they could, but that doesn’t mean that in that time it didn’t hurt. I do not hold on to these feelings any longer, but I feel like reflecting on this piece and by extension our lives — can teach us something.

Former Self.

I find it funny,
That my family and my girl are the only ones who see me for me.

Not who I was while smokin’ trees,

I kinda like feelin’ the breeze,

to fall and heal a scrape on my knees.

What is it with people and the falseness they precede to breathe?

A fakeness that presides to feed into selfishness and greed of this once arrogant steed.

He used to need,

now the mind’s open and free, 

the crises left to a solid creed.


Leaving behind those breaching the void,

with a broken future to avoid.

Annul this boy of his past’s ploys for he paints a bright picture he now deploys.

 

Unsure of the moist sponge in his hands, the picture has now plunged into a plan, facets collide and make a stand.

 

See me for me.

And not the former self canned.

 

It seems my plan worked. I no longer recognize the person featured in the photo as myself. Photographer unknown, but I believe it was one of my friends whom we consider ourselves Ohana — they know who they are.

Thank you for reading.

©2010 Trevor Elms

 

I Am A Successful College Dropout.

This is not an endorsement, far from it. This is a part of my story.

I went to college for all the wrong reasons.

I went because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. Doing what you think you are supposed to do when it comes to your far-reaching life choices is just not something I would recommend. At some point we need to be selfish. Being selfish is not inherently bad; everything in moderation, right? So there is a time and place to be selfish — and what you do with your life after graduating high school is one of those times and places.

My Dad had recently moved abroad again, my Grandfather had recently died,

and I recently discovered how much I enjoyed experimenting with the different experiences that excessive drug use could exhume from the mind.

School was never my forte. Don’t get me wrong, I love to learn. I will read and study endlessly about the things that interest me until my mind is full. The public school system just never did well at making me feel engaged or that a majority of what they were teaching me was going to apply to my every day life. At least, not in the way they were teaching me.

I have known for a long time that I was going to make something of myself, whatever that something is, and schooling wouldn’t be able to take much credit for it.

There is a school I give a lot of credit, September School in Boulder.

However that is a time for another part of my story.

Because I don’t like school, and because my parents did well by themselves (and saved for college since my birth), I decided I was going to take an all expenses paid vacation. The only place I wanted to go was a place that inspired just about every fiber of my being while I was there. Both good and bad.

I chose to go the University of Hawai’i at Manoa and study as an English major.

My Dad had recently moved abroad again, my Grandfather had recently died, and I recently discovered how much I enjoyed experimenting with the different experiences that excessive drug use could exhume from the mind.

What I wrote earlier is very important to this decision, as there was something about Honolulu that no television, brochure, visit, or news anchor had ever mentioned to me once in my 18 years on the planet.

Honolulu is a very dark and dirty place, one of the seediest underbellies in the nation. Waikiki itself at night particularly — and nobody talks about it.

This was the perfect storm for what became my mental break with reality, subsequent legal troubles, and battle with mental health.

You’re going to get tired of hearing this, but that is a story for another time. I’m a successful college dropout, remember?

If we skip forward by about 2 years I found a job interview to get into the ground floor of an eCommerce paintball site, literally. It was in this guy’s basement.

I have been offered every job I have interviewed for, and this was no different. Interviewing is probably the single most important part of securing a job. Nobody cares what your resume says if you can’t function like a professional adult and present yourself as a confident person who knows what they are doing.

If you aren’t confident in yourself, how can you expect your employer to be confident you can do your job?

I was ecstatic to receive this job with no benefits and starting at $10/hr. At the time I was working in retail at an educational toy store for $7.50/hr +.03% commission. That number is not a joke. The catalyst for this new job was them reducing my pay by $.50/hr and giving me a commission rate that would make me have to sell 5 times the store’s paltry daily take just to make that $.50/hr back in commission. The store’s mission was great, the management was out of touch and incompetent and I felt like a high school kid in a high school job.

Hustle Paintball was the exact place that I needed to springboard myself into the career that I have now. I was able to do everything from shipping and receiving to order management, marketing, video recording/editing/writing, and graphic design. Graphic design was something I was always doing growing up on forums. In my early teens (00s) I was moderating and game mastering private online Lineage 2 servers. I was taking free commissions from randoms to design them signatures with any kind of imagery I could find at that time. I even have a really old Photobucket account lying around with some of it in there.

Being the guy who designed logos, banners, websites, etc. Really gave me the experience I needed after almost 4 years to feel like that is what I wanted to do with myself professionally.

No more 3 hour phone calls with no sales, No more shipping, No more front-end retail anything.

Just graphic design. The idea was a little daunting, but why not? A challenge was necessary. I wanted to see if I could hack it. Hell, I wanted to see if anyone would actually hire some dude with a high school degree and some college experience as an English major — with the audacity to call himself a graphic designer.

So like previously, which I neglected to mention — I had my wife (then girlfriend) and my wonderful mother comb through Craigslist for another job listing for me. There are some things I cannot very well apply myself to, and this is one of those things. I am so appreciative that I had their help at that time.

Another interview, this time much more thorough and professional.

We didn’t even start face to face. It all began with an email response asking me if I could schedule a phone interview. This is where my process about this became very important, I feel, and I could even ask my current co-worker and former boss that hired me to find out.

I responded to the email as quickly as possible with my open (unemployed) schedule at that point, we set up a time and I was excited. I didn’t look forward to it too much or think about it too much, I feel like that can mess me up. So I set my mind on other things until it was time.

The phone call went without a hitch. I am an introvert that absolutely despises the phone, I really dislike talking on it. There’s something about it that really fucks with me mentally and I am still unable to concisely put it to words. So despite that, I am able to very much ignore it for however long is necessary and present myself as I am, as someone who “wants” to be on the phone.

Brandi, the interviewer, ended the phone call telling me she was going to send me a graphic prompt to compare with the other candidates and she needed to have it from me by the end of the weekend.

She had it within the hour.

This was very important to me. I wanted her to know that I can work very fast when necessary but still provide quality work. That must have made an impression because here I am working at The Motorcycle Company as the Lead Graphic Designer closing in on 5 years later.

TMC is a Harley-Davidson Dealership group that manages 6 dealerships across the nation.

High Octane Harley-Davidson in MA

Palm Beach Harley-Davidson in FL

Rawhide Harley-Davidson in KS

Avalanche Harley-Davidson in CO

Riverside Harley-Davidson in CA

Huntington Beach Harley-Davidson in CA.

When I was hired by TMC they had just picked up their 3rd dealership (Avalanche) and were just starting to put together their dealership group because they knew it was only going to get bigger and harder to manage.

So again, I lucked into a situation at the very ground floor that gave me the opportunity to grow and succeed with the company.

I guess, the moral of this part of my story is that it is possible to be a successful college dropout. It just takes a hell of a lot of desire, starting low, working your way up by continuing to look for a better opportunity when it is time — and a dash of luck.

Make sure you learn to interview too. Legitimately, take an interviewing class. I took one in my senior year in high school and the lessons I learned were invaluable to me.

Don’t go to college just because you feel like you should based on societal, familial, or peer pressures.

If you are not ready, you are seriously not ready. It may just set you back a few years in other ways if you go when it isn’t time.

I don’t know if I will ever go back to school. I do know that I will be ready when I do.

©2017 Trevor Elms